Deutoronomy - Word Is Bond Like Glue.

We're on the fifth book of the bible. How did we get here? Uhhm, I'm no rocket scientist but I'm going to go with option A: logic. What's option B you ask? I have no idea. The transliteration for Deutoronomy in Hebrew is "second law". I have learnt this through extensive research and by that I mean typing in "Deutoronomy" in Google's search tab and using the esoteric art of hitting enter on the keyboard.

(In the voice of Jam Master Jay) "And it goes a little something like this"

The Isrealites walked through the desert for fourty years (which was normal back then because they didn't have Garmins but more importantly, Someone in the sky told them to do so). 

Shame, spare them a thought. Ok, stop it. You just spared them two. 

REMEMBER, gluttony is a sin! 

The book (of Deutoronomy) consists of three sermons or speeches delivered to the Israelites by Moses on the plains of Moab, shortly before they entered the Promised Land. This story sounds so familiar. Moses = ANC. Promised land = Democracy.*

The first (Eric) sermon was a summary of their travels, akin to 'Long To Freedom' without pictures. Man, if we could go back in time and tell them about Zapiro their minds would be blown away! 

The second sermon preaches two things.

One: The laws given by God should be followed comprehensively and

Two: (which comes after One, i sh*t you not) preaches exclusivity to one God which kinda makes sense. There's nothing worse than having multiple centres of power in any particular region. Don't believe me?

Look at Zimbabwe and the cast of Gossip Girls. Power sharing may look cool on paper but it is rarely successful due to its intrinsic bias towards those with the the most powerful position in the social hierarchy. 

I'm not sure about this supreme rule though, sounds somewhat autocratic or even authoritarian. Maybe even auto-shmatic. Apologies, that last word was unnecessary, I was just following the comic rule of 3.

Living in any environment that requires it's people to be subservient generally stifles progression as they are not afforded the opportunity to question their beliefs and attempt to pursue reformism.

I believe everyone should be able to choose a belief system whose values will allow them to become a genuinely better individual and a positive contributor towards society.

The third book offfers comfort to the travellers and encourages repentance.

Basically if you cock something up, you need not worry, you just have to apologise for it and your sins will be absolved. You see, the Truth & Reconciliation Commission was actually a borrowed concept. Moses is still waiting for that royalty cheque. 

My worry is that these types of proceedings don't bring about any serious form of justice but instead create the impression that it's acceptable to perform felonious acts on the premise that you apologise to the victim(s) and promise you won't do it again. Great idea on a kindergarten playground, not so effective in the real world. I'm no legal expert but white collar crime is a tad bit more serious that eating your classmate's crayons. I could be wrong. "Sorry Josh, my mom didn't pack me any lunch today". Don't worry about who Josh is, some of these stories are fictitious.

So, what's the point?

*Firstly, it's important to acknowledge the sacrifices that people have made on our behalf that allow us to enjoy certain liberties such as freedom of expression and the right to own land but they should not use these events as a constant bargaining chip to garner political support. Thanks for the freedom. By the way, did you fix those potholes? Thanks. Having said that, isn't that what you were elected to do?! 

Secondly, monotheistic religions are the most popular religions in the world and although you're encouraged to accept one belief system i think we should all attempt to find out more about other religions and review some of our own philosophies. It wouldn't hurt you to find out more about The Bible, The Kuran, The Torah, the views of atheism, agnosticism, traditionalism or anything in between. Let us not perpetuate the information asymmetry that allows society to dictate how we perceive those around us and creates a quagmire amongst the different citizen of our beautiful country. 

Yoh, there were a kak load of big words there!

Last and definitely least. We all need to be accountable for our actions. Take responsibility. Ensure that all the opportunities the you are awarded are on merit and use them to make a positive contribution to your community no matter how small the scale.

I believe in "one law". Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.

What laws do you believe in?

Numbers - Ooh, The Asian Kids Are Gonna Love This

Vodacom is red
Violets are blue
Is this gonna rhyme?
I couldn't be bothered
Suck my balls
In your face.

OK. OK. One rhyme then.

Politicians are mental
And chicken is tasty
Why does Nathaniel
Look oh so pasty?


Did you hear that? Shakespeare just rolled in his grave. I sense an Avbob slogan coming out of this.
What's funny about numbers you ask(which is a really presumptuous thing to say)? 

F***k all, but I promised all seven people who read this blog I'd write another one. 

Oh, wait. Make that eight, my mom just accidentally clicked on the link when it popped up in the "browser history". I hope I deleted all the links to those porn websites I visited. 

Don't judge me. It was for research purposes. You can only get away with the missionary position for so long. Ask the colonialists. Oh wait. 

They're dead too.

The book of Numbers tells the story of the Israelites over nearly forty years when they left mount Sinai until they reached the border of the "promised land". I was gonna read the whole book (of Numbers obviously) myself but the synopsis that I just cut and paste(d) from Wikipedia will suffice. 

At this point you're thinking I'm really lazy.
You're right.
[Now give yourself a chomp for coming to that conclusion all by yourself!]

Plus I've got a whole lot of episodes of Grey's Anatomy I need to catch up on. Not because i particularly enjoy the show, i just like having something to talk to women about.
Saying things like, "Oooh Mcsteamy. That's another name for a caffe latte right?" will get you thrown out of most slumber parties. Or so I hear.

For those of you who have no idea what the promised land is, it's because you probably live in a municipality run by the ANC, not to say that the DA are doing any better. I like to think of ALL political parties as canines marking their territory.
"They're always taking the piss"
Well, them and the "Reitz 4". If none of the aforementioned references are ringing a bell, It's probably because you think newspapers are only for wrapping your fish and chips as opposed to reading.
LOW BLOW!
Are you gonna be a tattle and report this blog? No one likes a tattle tale, ask Jackie Selebi.

OUR struggle was fought over many years with democracy being OUR promised land. I'm using the word OUR very loosely. I have yet to throw a petrol bomb at anyone, Unless you count the last time I poured petrol over a braai stand and nearly burnt the house down. In my defence, everyone was really hungry and we could not wait a minute longer. I'm no political science major (because i decide to study a degree that would allow me to obtain novel things like money) but I can tell that we need a change. Not in that Barack Obama kinda way either,there's nothing worse than a Zulu president with a twang. Nah mean my niyikha. Sies, I used the "n word".
The will of the people should be the will of the government.
(See what I did with the colours there? Huh? Huh?)
That is true democracy.

We want
-closed toilets
-roads without potholes
-protection from the police
-accountable councillors
-free take 5s at first break
-access to hospitals
-less propaganda on the news
-delicious b****es(wait, that's one's just for me)

AND
WE WANT TO BE HEARD, NOT A HERD. - T Boz MaBheki (former president of the made up quotes commission)

On the 18th of May we all need to make our way to the polls In Our NUMBERS
and put who we see fit to deliver basic services(and more) in power. Having said that, don't waste your vote on AZAPO, The ACDP or The Kiss Party. That's like Manchester United trying to sign Jabu Pule. It's tempting but we know it's not gonna end well.
Do the right thing and exercise your democratic right to vote. It'll cost you less money and pain than trying to vote for your favourite house mate on Big Brother Africa. That show is properly shite. Apologies. I digress.
Go Vote.
Good bye my angels.
xoxo


Mojak Lehoko is member of the We Don't Have Better Sh*t To Do Than Write Really Annoying Things On The Interweb Association also know as WDHDBSTDTWRATOTIA.

He has a certified degree in journalism purchased at Bree taxi rank last Tuesday. The degree came with penis enlargement herbs hence his use of BIG words that he doesnt't understand and the phrase "It's a hard knob life!"