Joshua Realises That The Subscriber You Have Dialled is Not Available

Why did I sign up for this?

We're on the 6th book. The Book of Joshua. A story of the Israelites entry into the promised land. This is not a figurative "promised land" akin to a pubescent student seeking to lose his virginity to a sexy math teacher.  Yes - I just compared a biblical story to the plotline of a teen movie.

it's the actual promised land. In fact, it even has a name. Canaan. If you think I spelt Canaan incorrectly, you're an idiot who listened to the song "Waving Flag" way too many times.

Joshua (no Doore) forms part of the biblical history of the emergence of Israel which begins with the exodus of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt. What does this book have to do with what I'm about to describe? Not much but I have tied myself down ,creatively speaking, A bit like the team of writers on Generations & that TV show NO ONE watches 4play - Sex Tips For Girls, to this biblical prologue writing format. The way I see it,  people who hold cellphone contracts are slaves to their network provider's excessive tariffs and hidden clauses pertaining to cancellations of contracts and a bunch of other big words that aren't in my lexicon. I'm probably being melodramatic, two years of consumer enslavement isn't that bad. 

What Da Problem Is?

My gripe is that the cellphone networks take their clientelle for granted, ASSumin that the consumer's patronage and loyalty are unwavering. They need to calm down. Even a crack-head can go to a different dealer if the product "ain't right suhn!". Perhaps therein lies the problem? With a market that lacks any form of competition and thrives on inelastic demand we will remain to be exploited like crack addicts by the few who make up the oligarchy. I'm not going to mention any names but you know who I'm talking about. The red and yellow networks and cell what what... I fear that the last statement may be too cryptic. In that case, I'm referring to Vodacom, MTN and Cell C.

Each of these telecommunications giants would fall if the masses, who purchase their state of the art Nokia 3310s and R5 mpesa vouchers, decided to no longer buy into their exploitive practices. This is easier said than done as access to alternative modes of communication are few and far between. For instance, access to smoke signals is on the decline due to hippies' concern on the status of the environment and the pressing issue of global warming. I bet if rhinos were being charged these exorbitant rates to merely make phone calls there would be an outcry from the middle and elite sectors of our populace. Am I suggesting a boycott and not paying your debit orders? Not. A. Fuck. I don't know about you but I could not live a day without access to the internet and the megabytes of emails about cute cats who can play the piano courtesy of work colleagues who have nothing better to do. Also, you know what they say. "Once you go black(listed), you never go back" [1]

What Do I Suggest My Babies?

We need cellphone companies to provide the masses with affordable access to the interweb. How the fuck can email and internet browsing be a thing of mythology in 2012? There are communities in South Africa where the sighting of a tokoloshe is more common practice than a PDF file. Perhaps this is the symptom of a country where corporate interest and social responsibility do not see eye to eye like Bonang & Euphonic at the Selimatunzi awards. A symptom of a society that has become accustomed to mediocrity, poor service delivery and has now lowered it's expectations. In case you didn't know, that last statement was about Pitso Mosimane and the performance of Bafana Bafana. How dare a coach so KAAAAAAAAAAAK take SAFA to the CCMA?

We need to express our dissatisfaction.

Once we are recognised as more than just a Puk number and a tarriff plan, major organisations will heed the calls, (ooh wordplay), of their customers. Don't be afraid to let your feelings be known otherwise these companies will continue to behave like they've brought fire to the caveman and that they're providing you with first world services that you should be grateful for. Let us as customers of these major corporations take the first step to our promised land, Canaan, which comes with free text messages, free wifi or at least affordable data plans. This isn't farfetched my babies.  You can get Unlimited minutes in The US with AT&T for $69/pm, what's stopping us?

Appendix

Some of you may agree with my sentiments. Others may not. If you classify yourself under the latter, you're probably a bloody agent or just plain rich. Either way, tsek!

-Written by Prof Mojakson Lehook  PHD (Player Hater Degree) 

and a bunch of other pieces of paper that don't mean shit.

[1] This quote is taken for a genleman who goes by the Name Mr. National Credit Act.

All photos are used courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net